Assessing Your Social Circle: Are You Surrounding Yourself with the Right People?

The people you surround yourselves with can either life you up or drag you down. That's why it's so important to spend time with people who are supportive of your ideas and interests.

In this article, we'll explore the impact your network has on you, how healthy it is, and what you can do to improve it.

Let's get started!

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn advanced the idea that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

Now, if we take this idea literally, there are so many things we can criticize about it:

By focusing on the people one currently spend time with, this idea doesn’t acknowledge the impact one’s past has on a person.

As psychotherapist Danni Biondini put it: “Most of what you know about the world, you learn in the first five years of life. You internalize messages from the culture via your family, and you model your own habits after those you see in your parents.”

 By arbitrarily limiting the number of people who influence you to 5, this idea doesn’t acknowledge that your extended network also has a large impact on you.

This contradicts studies about the spread of obesity in a large social network. According to this study, a person’s risk of obesity increases by 20% if their friend’s friend becomes obese and by 10% if the friend of their friend’s friend does (regardless of whether they know that person or not).

As David Burkus explained it after researching the science of social networks:
"You’re not the average of the FIVE people you surround with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look around and make sure you’re in the right surroundings."

Lastly, the “average of five” idea can come across like a magical pill.

Simply hang out with the right people, and, Arbracadabra, instant success! ✨

As Gustavo Razzetti states in his excellent critique of the “average of five” idea: “the magical approach of this phrase worries me the most — surrounding yourself with artists won’t turn you into one.”

 As these examples show, we shouldn’t take the “average of five” idea literally.

However, it contains some truth. While we are likely not the exact average of the five people we spend the most time with, this idea draws attention to the impact our social circle has on us.

And the truth is that right now, your social circle might not have the most optimal impact on you. For instance, have you ever shared an exciting idea or plan with someone who totally demotivated you with their criticism?

How different would it feel to have a group of people who believed in you and had your back (while also giving you skilled feedback on what you could improve)?

As Hans F. Hasen put it: "People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.”

Is it perhaps time to upgrade your social circle?

Grab a pen and paper. 📝Then, take a moment to go through the following process.

(If you want to get the most out of this or if you're afraid of getting stuck, get the "Taking Action Worksheets" and begin by filling those out.)

• Which people do you habitually surround yourself with?
  Make a list of the 5–10 people who play the biggest role in your life.
  
  
• For each person on your list, rate how they impact you on a scale from 1 to 5.
  1=Do they have a very negative impact? 👎 👎
  2=Do they have a negative impact? 👎
  3=Do they have a neutral impact? 😐
  4=Do they have a positive impact? 👍
  5=Do they have a very positive impact? 👍 👍
  
  
• Based on this rating, what are 3 things you would like to change?
  For instance, you might want to spend less time hanging out with Bob who got a 2 on your scale. And perhaps you would want to call Julie more often who got a 5.
  
  
• Bonus question: In general, which people would you like to spend time with? Make a list of their characteristics so you recognize them when you meet them.
  It may be helpful for you be around people who feel passionate about what they’re doing and who have a connection to their purpose. These people can serve as a positive role model as well as a resource for you.