How to Get Through an Intense Life Change

A huge life change can be exciting: Daring to go beyond the borders of the familiar and explored to charter new territories is an adventure that is as nerve-wrecking as it is beautiful.

We are talking about a story as ancient as humanity itself.

Our DNA warns us of dangers if we stray from the beaten path.

At the same time, our soul pushes us to become the trailblazers and lighthouses we are all meant to be.

In this blog post (and in the video below) I talk about how to get through periods of intense change. Buckle up for the ride!

Stepping into the unknown empty space my soul has been calling me into has been one of the most intense experiences of my life: The person I once was—and by “once” I mean even just a year ago—is almost a stranger to me.

Since 2009, change has been a constant in my life, its most visible expression being about a dozen moves which led me to live in three different continents.

The process carried me from the firm childhood decision to never tie the knot to being happily married. My professional and financial situation changed, and changed, and then changed again. My body, diet and mindset transformed through veganism and a rigorous fitness regime.

By far, 2015/2016 were the most intensely transformative time for me: I got married. I moved to another continent.

Somehow, I found the courage within me to hand in my notice at a prestigious corporate job, a step which, for a long time, brought up intense levels of fear. I got certified in two potentially life-changing healing modalities and put a Dr. in front of my name.

These are just some of the external changes this time brought for me, along with high levels of stress.

And yet, the most important shifts were hidden and interior. Many things which used to be difficult for me before, like expressing my feelings in front of trustworthy people, are not even an issue anymore. And others, such as being in an emotionally unsupportive friendship, do not work for me now.

At times, this drawn-out process has been incredibly intense, but riding the waves of transformation to my new life has been infinitely worth it.

It takes time to change direction completely. Because I persevered, I am now ever closer to a beautiful harvest.

1. Take heart: Whatever life change you are going through, you will almost certainly survive it

If you navigate this process consciously, you will likely even be better off as a result. It may seem as if your personality is changing beyond recognition which can feel threatening.

And yet what I learned in my own life is that after every transformation, I am different and still myself. In fact, I am myself to a larger extent than before because what one leaves behind in transformation is in many cases only one's more inauthentic self.

Grieving for the old is part of the process of going through a life change.

What I have always found helpful is finding a way to honor the transition that is happening. Before one of my smaller moves where I stayed within the same city, I sat down in a café in my old neighborhood and wrote down everything I cherished about my old place.

My last move to another continent required something bigger so my “goodbye ritual” consisted of me symbolically walking across a bridge. One side of the bridge represented the past I was leaving behind, the other side the future I was walking into.

The bridge was in the middle of a lonely nowhere, the night was pitch dark with hardly any moonshine and it was one of the coldest and windiest days of winter. It was a situation that—like the transformation I was going through—required some courage. Braving the elements made me feel proud of myself and more confident about my ability to handle the upcoming change.

One of human's most primal needs is the need to feel secure, a need that is acutely threatened by all the changes.

However, being afraid does not mean that you're actually in danger.

It just means that you have a primal brain that is—thankfully—intent on ensuring your survival. Unless your physical survival is in acute danger, you should not let your primal brain run your life.

That is why I find it so important to change your relationship to fear. This includes reality checks, such as asking yourself how likely it is that something bad could happen to you as a result of the change you are going through. Another important question is what you would prefer to happen and how you can work toward making that happen.

Since your need to feel secure is compromised by the changes you are undergoing, I think it is important to stick with some things that give you comfort and a sense of stability.

These can be different for everyone. For me, some of these things are drinking green tea in the morning or watching my favorite series. If you wanted to change your comfort-given habits, you would ideally wait until the waters of transformation had gotten sufficiently calm before doing so.

In big transformations, I think it is easier when you keep some things the same.

The people who can likely understand you best are those who have been through this process before or are still in it.

At various times in my process, I have found it helpful to talk to others who are also on a path of transformation and could encourage me along the way.

Witnessing this process in myself and in others, I am amazed at how much one can change and still experience the developmental pressure to change some more.

It is beautiful to see what becomes possible when people allow this impulse to guide them. Entirely new roads open up for them and they discover things they never knew about themselves.

When you give into the impulse of your intuition and do so wisely, your act of daring can open you up to unprecedented levels of trust. Instead of free-falling, a parachute suddenly opens, seemingly out of nowhere.

Carried by the winds, you glide through open space where Earth treats us to a breath-taking display of her beauty.

You can trust your transformation.

As Hilde Domin put it: “I set my foot upon the air and it carried me.”

Just so you know, I often help people who are going through big life changes. So, if you want support on your journey, please feel free to reach out. You can find our more about my coaching services here.