How to Get Rid of Fear–It's Not What You Think

The first thing to keep in mind is that you shouldn’t listen to culture. Repeat: do not listen to culture!

Basically, our culture only gives us two bad options for dealing with fear:

Option №1: You valiantly start fighting your fear
(depicted below)

→ Result: your fear gets stronger! ❌

Option №2: You not-so-valiantly decide to hide underneath the sofa
(depicted below)

→ Result: your floor gets an unintentional cleaning — but nothing else improves in your life. ❌

And because our culture likes the whole Don Quixote/tilting at windmill’s approach, it advises you to pick Option №1.

Which would be great—if it actually worked.

Let’s take a look at…

What’s the evolutionary purpose of fear?

It’s to keep you safe from harm. Your fear doesn’t want you to get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger (or by any other predators, for that matter).

So, how would your fear be able to keep you safe if you could shut it up easily?

In other words, if fear were less persistent, it couldn’t do its job! And, the job of fear is super-important.

Let’s face it: Without fear, we most likely wouldn’t be here. Our ancestors would have gotten themselves killed by doing something they really shouldn’t have been doing.

In other words, we don’t get to tell fear to shut up!

Despite all that fear has done for us by helping humanity survive,…

What are we doing when we are trying to get rid of our fear (fight it) or just let it push us around (flee it)?

We’re treating our fear, our very own in-built survival system, as an enemy. That’s right, as an enemy. (We typically don’t fight or flee our friends, do we?)

When I put it that way, doesn’t that sound kind of… crazy?

So, what would be a better way of handling fear?

Well, how about treating it like an adviser instead? You don’t need to follow all the suggestions an adviser has for you — but it would probably be smart to at least hear that person out, wouldn’t it?

The same is true for your fear.

In many cases, your fears actually have some basis in reality. For instance, my client who was scared of promoting his business had the fear that he might be judged. That's a reasonable fear because when more people see your work, you will not only receive more positive feedback but also more criticism.

Of course, that doesn't mean that my client shouldn't promote his business, it just means that he should be prepared for being criticized so that he doesn't get derailed when that happens.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to actually be aware of the worst-case scenario, so that you can make a plan to deal with it?

Once you do that, your fear will shut up and actually let you get to work.

Here’s how that might look like:

Suddenly, some twigs (or trees?) snap.

Fear: “Be careful! This might be a saber-tooth tiger.”

Cave-You: “Oh! Not good.”

Fear: “SABER-TOOTH TIGER!!!!”

Cave-You: “So, what should I do?”

Fear: “RUN!”

Fear: “FASTER!!!”

<five minutes later>

Organic blueberries get mauled by a hungry Cave-You who safely made it back to the cave.

Fear: “I told you so…”

— THE END —

With all that being said, let’s move on to…

Grab a pen and paper. Then, take a moment to go through the following process.

(If you want to get the most out of this or if you're afraid of getting stuck, get the "Taking Action Worksheets" and begin by filling those out.)

• Pick a goal that really excites and scares you
  Write down the goal and make it as specific as possible. For instance: “By January 2020, I have 5 full-time employees.”
  
  
• Rank your fear
  On a scale of 1 (no fear at all) to 10 (panic attack), how much fear does that goal brings up for you?
  
  
• Explore your worst-case scenario
  What is the worst-case scenario your fear wants to warn you about? Even if it sounds catastrophic to you, please write it down. For instance: “I screw up and have to fire all my employees. My former clients and employees and even my friends and family all hate me. I end up living under a bridge.” Ouch!
  
  
• Brainstorm options 💭
  Brainstorm what actions you could take to make that outcome less likely. For instance: “I could begin by hiring freelancers to work for me. I could also get advice from people who have been through this before. I could also use a Mastermind group and perhaps also a business coach to keep me accountable.”
  
  
• Pick one of these options and start taking action
  For instance: “I could definitely use a Mastermind group right now, even before I reach my goals. So, I think I will brainstorm a list of people to ask if they’d like to be a part of my Mastermind group.”

I hope this article (as well as your own experience) has shown to you that it's impossible to fully get rid of fear. However, that doesn't mean that you're stuck feeling afraid.

Instead of treating your fear as an enemy and wondering how to conquer your fear, treat it as an adviser. That will drastically reduce the fear you feel and help you make better decisions.

The secret: You don't need to make your fear work for you. It already does. You just need to let it.