Is it Better to Change Yourself or the World?
~ C. JoyBell C.
Let's explore this idea in more depth, starting at the beginning:
You see, I first discovered self-help guru Tony Robbins when I was 16. Before I went on a year-long student exchange on another continent, my father gave me a copy of one of Tony’s books. He thought it could help me in my adventure ahead, and he was right.
I still have the book.
Fast forward many years to spring 2018, where I found myself shaking my head as I watched the video where Tony Robbins argued with event participant Nanine McCool about the #MeToo movement.
Instead of analyzing their interaction, I would like to take the opportunity to discuss a question connected to their exchange.
A
question at the heart of the self-help industry. A question at the
heart of social movements. And, ultimately, one at the heart of the
human existence:
Should you change yourself or the world?
The debate between Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movement
For a deeper look into that question, I imagined a fictional TV debate where two sides (Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movement) are arguing for their point of view. 🎭
Moderator: “Thank you for taking the time to talk to us today, Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movements. I appreciate that you took the time out of your busy schedules to be with us today. The audience is eagerly awaiting your responses, so let’s begin.”
Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movements nod their assent.
Moderator (turning to Mr. Self Help): “Beginning with you, Ms. Self Help, what would you say? Should I change myself or should I change the world?”
Ms. Self Help: “Well, it’s obvious that you can’t change anyone but yourself. Your attitude towards challenges is the only thing you have control over. So, naturally, you should focus on changing yourself. If you change yourself, you will change the world.”
Clapping from half of the audience. 👏
Moderator (turning to Mr. Social Movements): “Mr. Social Movements, the same question to you. Should I change myself or should I change the world?”
Mr. Social Movements: “The society we live in influence how we feel. We’re all interconnected so we can’t be free until everyone is free. So, naturally, we need to focus on changing the world. If we remedy the injustices in the world, everyone can actualize their potential.”
Clapping from the other half of the audience. 👏
Interlude
So, who’s right❔
For instance, Ms. Self Help is right in that I can’t really change anyone but myself (and even that can be a challenge).
And Mr. Social Movements is correct in that my society influences how I feel.
Why are they only partially right❔
I believe it is because Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movements are not responding to the most optimal question.
So, I’ll fire the last Moderator, and try again with a different question.
Back to the debate.
The debate between Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movement 2.0
New Moderator: “Mr. Social Movements, would you agree that individuals are part of the world?”
Mr. Social Movements: “Wait, what?”
New Moderator (patiently): “Let’s try that again. Would you agree that individuals are part of the world?”
Mr. Social Movements (unsure): “Ermm, yes, I guess you could say that.”
New Moderator: “So if individuals are part of the world, how can you change the world without changing individuals?”
Mr. Social Movements shrugs his shoulders. 😕
Ms. Self Help (perks up): “Exactly! That’s what I’m saying. That’s why I need to change individuals.”
New
Moderator (turning to Ms. Self Help): “And you, Ms. Self Help, would
you agree that outside conditions have an impact on peoples’
experience?”
Ms. Self Help: “I beg your pardon?” 😲
New
Moderator (talking slowly): “Would you agree that outside conditions
have an impact on peoples’ experience? So, for instance, if we lived in a
world where people with red hair, such as yourself, weren’t allowed to
leave their houses without permission, would that have an impact on
you?”
Ms. Self Help (self-consciously touches her head): “There’s nothing wrong with red hair.”
New
Moderator: “I didn’t say there was. I was simply using an example. Can
you please just answer the question? Would it impact your life if you
lived in such a society?”
Ms. Self Help looks helplessly into the audience.
Mr.
Social Movements: “Hell yes it would impact her! But fear not, Ms. Self
Help. I’d start a Redhead Liberation Front and we’d make sure your
voice could be heard.” ✊
Ms. Self Help (shakily): “That’s very, erm, kind of you.”
New
Moderator (clasps hands together): “So, now that we have established
that you two need each other, let me ask you another question. How can
you contribute your expertise to a joint cause to bring about positive
change in the most effective way?”
Ms. Self Help and Mr. Social Movements exchange an unsure glance. 😕
Ms.
Self Help (straightens her back): “I can help build up peoples’
self-confidence so they find it easier to speak up for their cause. I
can stop them from sabotaging themselves
so they can bring all their
skills and talents to the table.”
Mr. Social Movements (nods):
“I can help create the conditions that allow people to self-actualize. I
can point out social and systemic patterns that keep people stuck and
that they may not even be aware of.”
Ms. Self Help (walks over to Mr. Self Help and stretches out her hand): "Together, we can change the world."
Mr. Social Movements (shakes her hand): “And ourselves.”
So, to answer the question:
Should we change ourselves or the world? Yes!
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