Look for What You Love More Than You Fear Failure

Today, I’d like to encourage you to connect with your passion and purpose by exploring what you love more than you fear failure.

This advice is based on…

In this talk, bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert talks about finding the motivation to write another book after her über-successful work Eat, Pray, Love.

As she explains, the book’s incredible success came with its own set of challenges.

Elizabeth Gilbert mentions that she knew prior to getting started that her new work would disappoint fans of Eat, Pray, Love and that she basically had no way to win.

Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to replicate the novel’s success meant that she either had to stop doing what she loved so much (writing) or find a way to continue creating despite “the inevitable negative outcome” she was expecting.

It is a tough choice.

So how did Elizabeth Gilbert find a way to move forward? In her talk, she reveals…

As Elizabeth Gilbert explains, great success and great failure come with similar challenges. She points out that while success and failure are seen differently in our culture (as good and as bad, respectively), “your subconscious is completely incapable of discerning the difference between bad and good.”

She also states that “there’s a real equal danger in both cases of getting lost out there in the hinterlands of the psyche.”

Elizabeth Gilbert proceeds to explain that the challenges of great success and great failure both require the same remedy, which is to get back to what you love more than you hate failing… and to just keep at it.

So, she got through the challenges of success the same way that she got through the ones created by failure — by continuing to write.

It is a beautiful talk and I would encourage you to watch it. However, a brief word of caution: this talk makes it seem as if everyone has one main passion. However, as Elizabeth Gilbert herself explained with her distinction between jackhammers and hummingbirds (it makes sense in context...), this is not the case.

Since you may have more than one passion, let me put the question this way: “What is something that you care about so much that you would be willing to fail at it?”

With all that being said, let’s move on to…

Grab a pen and paper. 📝Then, take a moment to go through the following process.

(If you want to get the most out of this or if you're afraid of getting stuck, get the "Taking Action Worksheets" and begin by filling those out.)

• Write down 3 things you’ve failed at
  We don’t talk enough about failure, even though it’s close to impossible to experience success without also enduring failure. Start normalizing failure by brainstorming at least 3 things you’ve failed at.
  
  For instance: “When I ran for class speaker in first or second grade, I failed at that. I also failed when I had band practice with these people I found through an ad. I was so nervous that I did a really bad job. Also, when I made the short film that was shown on a big screen I feel like I failed because it was much worse than the other films and because the audio was completely off.”
  
  
• Write down how you felt about these failures
  For instance: “Not being elected as the class speaker was a really painful experience. With regard to the band practice, I’m still cringing when I think about that. Yuck! And I felt really bad when I only noticed the film’s audio problems when it was shown in front of an audience and then, after all that, I had to come up on stage with all the other people who had directed a movie and had done a much better job than me. I just wanted to disappear.”
  
  
• Write down how these failures influenced how you view yourself or your behavior
  For instance: “After not being elected as the class speaker as a child, I don’t think I tried to run again for something like this. So that really had an impact on me. The band practice was really bad but I tried again and actually found a great person to create music with. And, it was so much fun and I liked what we created. So, it was actually great that I kept going despite the discouragement. In terms of the film, I felt like I wasn’t talented as a director and I think I stopped making films after that.”
  
  
• Write down how it feels to reflect on these failures
  For instance: “Hmm, I think writing this down gives me more distance. I don’t feel like these failures have as much power over me anymore. It feels like I’m taking my power back by writing about them. I also feel like I drew some wrong conclusions from some of these things. Today, if I still wanted to do these things, I’d just continue going despite these failures. I think there’s something I can learn from this about my present failures, too. Such as to simply keep going despite failures.”
  
  
• Bonus: Share your failures with at least one person and have fun with a “bragging competition” about your failures 😄
  For instance: “I failed so much better than you! When I ran for class speaker, literally the only person who voted for me was my boyfriend. Try and beat that! And, really, can you compete with the embarrassment of having to watch a trainwreck of a film you’re responsible for in front of an audience and people who actually know how to make a good film? I didn’t think so! Clearly, I have failed more and harder than you.”

If you find it hard to connect to your passion and purpose, look for something in your life that is so important to you that you are willing to fail at it — because the alternative (not doing it at all) would be too painful. What do you love more than you fear failure?

Also, get more comfortable with failure. As Michael Jordan put it: “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”