How to Ask for Feedback–the Right Way

If you want to improve something, it's important to ask for feedback. Others are often able to see you more clearly than you see yourself.

You can use this to your advantage in your quest to connect more strongly with your passion and purpose.

For instance, perhaps you don’t see yourself as a good speaker but your friend Mary reminds you of how you nailed your last speech and how happy you seemed afterward. 🎤

Or, conversely, you think that music is your calling but your partner points out that, judging by the grumpy expression on your face, you see practicing your instrument as a chore.

Your partner also observes that you will happily do research for your next article — for hours.

The short answer is: hell no! ⚠

The slightly longer answer: there are at least two things to consider when you ask for feedback.

The first one is that the person you ask should be generally supportive of your and your goal to find your passion.

The second thing to keep in mind is that generally, a person who is less attached to your particular situation is able to see it more clearly and thus give you more impartial feedback.

A friend has typically invested less time and energy into your career success than a parent or a spouse so they are often less attached.

So, let’s assume you handpicked a few trusted people.

Now,…

Even if you ask people you trust, it’s possible that some (or all) of them suggest something that feels completely ridiculous to you.

Sometimes that is because they correctly observe something that you can’t (yet) see. Other times, they really are completely off.

If you receive feedback that doesn’t make sense to you, your task is to figure out if it falls into the former or the latter category. That’s why it’s really helpful to contemplate the feedback for a while before deciding what to do with it.

Here are questions to consider:

Might it actually be true what this person is saying and I just have a hard time seeing it? Or are they assuming something that simply isn’t true?

With all that being said, let’s move on to…

Grab a pen and paper. 📝Then, take a moment to go through the following process.

(If you want to get the most out of this or if you're afraid of getting stuck, get the "Taking Action Worksheets" and begin by filling those out.)

• List 5 people who are on board with your desire to find your passion and purpose.
  If you can’t come up with at least 5 people, I would recommend you first explore this prompt.
  
  
• Out of your list of 5 people, pick 3 people you will ask for feedback.
  Generally, it’s helpful to pick the people who know you the best. However, it’s also helpful to have a mix of different relationships.
  So, it would be best to not only pick family members to reach out to. Instead, you might pick one family member, one friend, and one colleague.
  
  
• Decide how you will ask the 3 people for feedback.
  You could ask them for a quick call or send them an email. Which one is better? Many people are overwhelmed with emails and might find it hard to give you feedback in writing. So, if possible, it’s better to find a time to talk on the phone.
  
  
• Decide what you want to ask them.
  Questions could include some of the following:
  - what do you think I’m good at?
  - in your observation, what do I really enjoy doing?
  - in your experience, where do I really shine?
  
  
• Send them an email or text.
  If you want to receive feedback via email, you will need to include your questions in that email. If you want to schedule a call with them, you could still include your questions in the email so that they have some time to think about it in advance.

People who know you well might give you great feedback — if you let them.

By choosing a few trusted individuals and asking for their opinion, you might get some ideas you hadn’t even thought of.

Just remember to not take every suggestion at face value. Instead, carefully run all the feedback you received through a filter and decide if it’s true for you or not.